I really wish to pen down my thoughts without anyone commenting or giving unnecessary remarks...but i just can't..

I hate him.

Please stop coming. I beg you. Everytime i try to get away from you, i just concidentally happen to 'bump' into you again. It's just that we can't communicate. I hate your stinking personality and attitude. Your actions disgust me. I know that this is very mean but please. I Hate You! So get away from me once and for all! But wait...that is just impossible..

I really just literally go blank when i see you and although i don't show it on the surface, inside, i really just wanna kick your butt. Is this hate? I don't think so...cuz sometimes, i also feel sympathetic towards him...what in the world is this feeling called? Someone please save me. The only solution for me is to pretend. Wear a fake mask in front of you whenever i see you...because i cannot show you my true feeling to you...that i hate you...sad yet confused...If you don't understand, never mind...cuz i don't too...

I'm crumbling...

Is there no one who i can turm to for a pillar of strength? Who can provide me with a beacon of light to show me the way? I'm so tired...I once said that i enjoyed being piled up with work and stress but now, i admit defeat...I'm exaggerating by the way...but really...i can't take it anymore...My studies are falling like the first raindrop that falls to the ground...My grades are going like the leaves on an autum day-blown away just like that...I've stopped playing already...I'm trying the best i've ever tried...I've given my best..but still, i'm not able to achieve what i hope for...i don't understand...

Yes, there are people out there who can carry these burdens for me but they just don't know how...I don't blame them...I blame myself....I don't know how to give the burdens to them even if they are willing to carry it for me....To put it simply, i don't know how to ask for help when i need it...So u finally understand?

No words can really explain how i feel right now...no song can express my sorrow...i need a long break...but i just can't afford to break down now...there are people that need me...if u collapse now, i'll just be disappointing others..most importantly, i'm letting myself down..

Quoted:
"In a world filled with darkness, we all need some kind of light. Whether it's a great flame that shows us how to win back what we've lost, or a powerful beacon intended to scare away potential monsters, or a few glowing bulbs that reveal to us the hidden truth of our past. We all need something to help us get through the night. Even if it's just the tiniest glimmer of hope."

I need that one kind of light. So if you see me next time, it'll be nice if you could just show some kindness..it'll help. Maybe you might just be that glimer of hope i've been looking for...