Identity Crisis

R said that i have an identity crisis.

This got me pondering for a few days, and i realised that she was telling me the truth i didn't want to hear. I thought to myself and realised that i've been living my life through someone else's shoes. It's like i always try to be someone i'm not, and emulating that person's actions and thoughts. Of course, these actions and thoughts are what i perceive that person would say or do. To put it simply, i'm trying to be someone else by doing things i think that person would do. And it's not always the same person. Like when i'm writing an essay, i try to be like Kenny, when i want to save money, i try to be like bitsy and imitate his saving money tactics. when i sing, i try to sound like desmond or steven. when i'm gymming, i take on another persona and the same goes for my room. I'm trying to make my room seem like another person's room. I don't have my own set of ideas, or rather my ideas are mostly derived from someone i'm trying to be. And i think it has gotten quite bad.
i think this has also indirectly caused me to become so weight conscious too. I'm really want to be myself, but i don't remember what 'myself' used to be anymore.

I really hate the word pathetic because it downgrades and humiliates the person being called pathetic but i really have to use that word on myself now.